1. If you are a blogger, and a female, even if you never, ever, ever speak of your children, you will forever be known as “that mommyblogger.”
2. Stretch marks like a tiger. No, a zebra. No, a new zebra-tiger hybrid.
3. The glass ceiling is even lower for moms. You have to crouch just to fit in the room.
4. You will never, ever have time, and constantly be tired.
5. Stitches. Not just c-section stitches or ladyparts stitches, but the possibility of stitches on your children, all of the time, which is much, much worse than ladyparts stitches.
6. Caring about breastfeeding debates. You will just want to go back to caring about what Putin is doing to poor Crimea, which has far more gravitas than which ladies fed babies with their boobs and which did not.
8. Trying to figure out how to make a healthy dinner between work, after-school activities and homework without the aid of a time machine.
9. You will dream of punching anyone who decries McDonald’s because McDonald’s saves your life every Tuesday and Thursday. (Even though you used to decry McDonald’s.)
10. Not being able to listen to the news in public, ever, because those dying soldiers are someone’s children, and you’re going to end up crying. A lot.
11. Tuition payments.
12. Your heart walks around outside without you every day, and one day, it will not need you anymore, and leave.