This is what happens when I clear out my text history. (And don’t worry, I totally didn’t get Josie’s permission.)
Josie: 2 for 1 burgers tomorrow at Dick’s.
Me: I can’t eat there without…consequences.
Josie: Drunken texting with Jonathan Franzen?? Writing fan letters to Zooey Deschanel?
Josie: My future thesis: The use of six-pack abs as a character.
Me: Supporting characters: bank account, tattoos.
Me: I’m writing a romance novel farce thing and need some ridiculous character names.
Josie: I’ve always thought characters with car names that are supposed to be super macho sounded ridiculous. Like Ford or Lincoln.
Me: Cadillac? Hyundai?
Josie: Then they make up an Irish last name, which doesn’t sound Irish at all. O’Tosterone.
Josie: O’Grimace. McSteele.
Me: Plenty O’Toole.
Josie: Best. Cover. Ever.
Me: Is that a porcupine?
Josie: A hedgehog? HEDGING His Bets?
Me: I don’t want to know how a hedgehog figures into a romance. Like, at all.
(It’s a were-hedgehog, in case you were wondering.)