Listen, I know it is a Friday, and we are in holiday hangover mode, and that I am stepping in a pile of blogging and religious poo by asking that thar question above, but it’s something that’s been nagging at me.
Are Life Lists unchristian?
More specifically, are having goals to better yourself unethical in a world where lots of people have barely anything to eat or drink, when homelessness and lack of affordable healthcare are problems in even the richest country in the world?
Some parts of me say “yessss!” It’s unethical to want to be on NPR or keep up a manicure when these things are problems. As Donald Miller put it in Blue Like Jazz:
If you think about it, the human race is pretty self-absorbed. Racism might be the symptom of a greater disease. What I mean is, as a human I am flawed in that it is difficult for me to consider others before myself. It feels like I have to fight against this force, this current within me that, more often than not, wants to avoid serious issues and please myself, buy things for myself, feed myself, entertain myself, and all of that. All I’m saying is that if we, as a species, could fix our self-absorption, we could end a lot of pain in the world.(40-41)
So, there is that. Self-absorption. Goals are about being self-absorbed, about being, as the great Oprah puts it, “living your best life.” But what about other people’s lives? Are we really here to further only ourselves? I am constantly telling my five-year-old, who dawdles in the morning, “It’s not just about you! When you do something, it affects everyone here!” And sure, I’m talking about taking too long for a preschooler to go poop, but it also applies to life lists and goals. Are my goals considerate of others? Am I helping anything or anyone but the hungry little need monster inside of me that is my ego?
But when I think about my goals, I think, “But God put me on earth to do some of these things.” It took me a long, long time to reconcile with God that He wanted me to write. I am not always a fan of it. But I do think that’s what God wants me to do, and most of my goals are oriented towards that. But honestly, having a successful blog and publishing contracts and being financially self-sustaining as an author? It doesn’t feel like it’s going to help anyone but myself.
There is also the point that if I cannot help myself, then I may be no good to anyone else. Maybe the best thing to do is to better myself. But then, am I doing it with my goals? Are they meaningful and purposeful?
So I’m asking you: am I being unchristian? Are my goals like owning a pair of expensive flats*?
*And yes, I realize calling out other people’s life goals might be unchristian, too, so please feel free to address that as well. Part of me would like to hide from calling other people out, but the other part of me says very clearly, “But they put them out there!” So. I don’t know. I put mine out there too, and I don’t know if there’s anything very ethical about wanting to hike the Appalachian Trail. It might feed my Need Monster.
So, I think a lot of life lists are not . . . unethical, per se, but tremendously self-absorbed and obnoxious, yes. The whinings of the privileged. Oh, you want to ride a horse on a Tibetan mountain? Why? Ugh, shut up, you privileged, privileged asshat.
(I totally judge life lists. I do. Because I think there’s wanting to better yourself, and then wanting to have a HIP life list, and I think that’s just stupid. But who am I to judge?)
But. Unchristian? Why? Isn’t everything we do frivolous? You’re blogging, which is time you could be spent donating to the poor. Are you supposed to take every moment of the day, from doing your hair and buying shoes and making life better for others? Good idea, but not realistic. And not unchristian, if you ask me. (As a god-loving nonchristian, ironically.)
I think the problem with some of the life list mentality is that it becomes acquiring for acquiring’s sake, be it things or accomplishments. A couple years ago, I wrote a life list and one of the items on it was bake 100 kinds of cookies. Now, I put it on there because I love baking. I love the process. I love feeding people and, following the Go Mighty method, putting that number on there is supposed to force you to follow through, right. Yeah, except for the fact that I don’t really want to bake 100 kinds of cookies. I want to do something I love and give it away to people to make them happy. Does it really freaking matter if every time I bake it’s chocolate chip or oatmeal or snickerdoodles?
I think people are too self-centered. I know I certainly am. That’s something we all have to conquer so we can be decent human beings. I think we have an obligation to care for each other, even if it’s as simply as being polite to the strangers we meet.
But I also think we have an obligation to care for ourselves and to develop our God-given talents. We each have gifts and we have to use them.
As I said on Twitter, I think moderation is key. It’s OK to want things, material or otherwise. It’s not OK to make wanting the central theme of your life — if nothing else, it’ll make you dissatisfied.
I see your question as bigger than life goals. Is it ok to do things for yourself? Is it unethical to go on vacation when you could give that money to charity instead? Is it unethical to spend $250 on a fancy birthday dinner when people are starving? Maybe, maybe not. I think you can have personal, self-centered goals and still be a good person. I think you can really want manicures or fancy shoes and still be moral.
Do I think it is dumb to make a list of Life Goals and put “buying shoes” or “maintaining a manicure” on it? Yes. If that’s your goal in life or even your goal for the year? DUMB. But it doesn’t make a person un-Christian.
I don’t really have an answer, but… When you take a vacation are you not expanding your knowledge of other places and people? When you make purchases are you not assisting someone in their livelihood? When we do charity we are in some way doing it selfishly in order to feel better about ourselves. Maybe unchristian, but not just unchristian.
You’ve raised an interesting question. Self absorbition is something that I think about too. The phrase “first world problems” rattles around in my head sometimes. I do not believe that making life lists and having goals are unchristian in and of themselves. However, I do believe that if one is a Christian that one should pray about what goes on these lists. Afterall, part of being a Christian is believing that God is in control.
Not one of us is lacking a desire for self improvement, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong or unchristian about that aspect of humanity as long as it’s not one’s only desire. If you do become a financially self-sustaining author, are you going to be Scrooge McDuck and hoard it all for yourself? Of course not. The fact is that we live in comparatively affluent society. In general, many of us are blessed to have educations, jobs, housing, chickens and/or expensive flats. Doing nothing with our blessings seems ungrateful and wasteful. I believe that our blessings should be used in part (or in whole!) to bless others.
As with so many things, this comes down to balance. Doing only what you love without considering the needs of those around you is clearly harmful, both for those who need help and yourself. Only focusing on the needs of others is equally doomed, as there are very few of us who can constantly consider others before ourselves without becoming irretrievably drained. I think self-improvement is a laudable goal and is the focus of the majority of religions. But self-improvement doesn’t need to be solely internal. Balance it out: some internal, some external.
And I don’t have a lot of patience for life lists that involve “stuff.” Stuff is stuff. I don’t see how stuff can enrich a life (but them I’m mostly anti-stuff.)
If every author thought “If I write this book, will it really help anyone other than myself?” then we wouldn’t have any literature whatsoever and my life in particular and many many many lives in general would be so very empty.
I know that U2 actually went through something similar to this when they first started making it big in the early 80s. They wondered if they could be Christians and rock stars at the same time. I think they’ve managed it pretty well.
Yes, we are all self-centered creatures. And making resolutions or life lists can be a self-centered activity. But that’s because we each of us are living our own lives. No matter how much we care about other people, we’re still just us. Trying to find a way to be happy within ourselves while also reaching out to others is a balance worth trying to find, but other than balancing it, there’s really no need to beat yourself up for wanting to make yourself happy.
I think goals are fine, it’s just the content that is the problem!
I don’t do “bucket lists” or “life lists” not because I have this Christian thing down but because when I write things on a list, I don’t do them. Which is why I didn’t publish my goals for 2013, other than the half marathon. Because when I say, I WANT TO DO THESE THINGS, I don’t. It makes no sense, I know.
More than that, I don’t like the bucket list mentality. “Do this before I die.” Why?
THAT said, are we too self absorbed? Well yeah. Duh. I’m not contributing to the greater good of society by running a half marathon this year — though I DID pin this great post about Bible verses you can memorize while you run. I haven’t READ the whole post yet, but I pinned it. Do I think it’s unethical to want to run a marathon? No. Do I think it’s unethical to want to write books? No. Do I think it’s unChristian to want either of those things? No. Do I think it’s unChristian to eat dinner every night and have a warm place to sleep and clean water? No. There are lots in life and, right now, this is yours and this is mine. You can give away all you have and help others all you want in the name of God and there will still be unjustices in this world. You being on NPR or not won’t change that.
I wouldn’t go on NPR and say God isn’t real — that’s probably not very Christian. But otherwise wanting to be isn’t.
Now excuse me while I ponder whether or not wanting to keep a clean mudroom is somehow unethical or unChristian or just plain stupid.
This is the sort of thing where I’d consult with the guy in charge rather than taking a consensus among the subjects, especially considering the fallen nature of mankind as well as the natural psychology of justifying one’s own choices.
We all live the best life we can in the little bit of the Earth we are given, doing what makes us happy, doing our best to make others happy. We should not feel guilty for what we have that others do not. We would not be able to function in society otherwise. We can use what we are given to better the lives of others. And that doesn’t always mean feeding and clothing the poor. It can mean making people laugh, feel important, get educated, all things that can be done through your God given talent of writing.
Think of George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life. The things he did for others, that he didn’t even realize he was doing, mattered. We all have things like that.
This is a tough one…but I do think that if we are feeling fulfilled we will be kinder to others and thus make their lives better too. Plus, your writing does help others by making them smile or helping others to see thru life’s difficulties more clearly. Keep doing whatever you are doing
Grammy
I don’t know if anyone can give you an answer to the question that you pose, however I can tell you what I have done with my own “life list”, I wrote it all down, everything, my wants, aspirations, needs, goals and then I prayed over it and asked God to take charge of what he wanted me to accomplish from my list and what He wanted from me.
You see God never lets us down He LOVES US, no matter what we think, he is always there for us and he knows what is best for us and what we are best at.
So over the years God has answered my prayers. My list has gotten longer at times as he has had me add things he wanted me to do. My list has also gotten shorter at times because he has pointed out to me what would serve no purpose to myself, my community or Him, so those things have come off of my list.
Much to my surprise though my list has been an ongoing journey, just like life is a journey and it takes its own twists and turns as God stears me through. We are Gods tools and if we just remember to pray for what we want and then leave it in his hands, be silent and listen, he will show us what he wants us to do.
So, No I do not believe that “life lists” are unchristian if we let God guide us. I hope that has helped in some way.
I don’t have time to pull out the Scriptural references and to double-check that I’m quoting accurately
but we are not good, we are never good (Genesis 6:3) and yet God still wants us to enjoy our life under the sun (Ecclesiastes). He knows the plans he has for us, to prosper us and not to harm us (Jeremah 29). And he gives us the desires of our heart – that might be in Psalm 103. So of course we can dream and go for those things we want, knowing, of course, that God might still say no if it’s not his will.
Regarding goals for self-improvement, on one hand, Paul says, “I beat my body and make it my slave” so he’s obviously trying to grow in discipline – improve, although it’s very clear that his purpose is to win people to Christ. On the other hand, he pleaded 3x for God to take his thorn away, so sometimes improvement doesn’t depend on our efforts, but rather God’s choice. I can especially see in me that when I want to improve so I can set myself or my performance up as an idol, he thwarts those efforts.
So my very long-winded answer is to say that I think we have the liberty to live life to the full, like Jesus, who was viewed as a drunkard and a glutton because he was so full of life, but if we get our nails done, strike up a conversation with the person next to us while they’re drying. If we earn a huge salary, make anonymous donations. If we write a Christian blog, exhort people to fix their eyes on heaven – that sort of thing.
Hugs