This is my baby:
I know what you are thinking, Internet. You are thinking, “Wow, that is an unpleasant looking child. How unfortunate for Shalini.” What’s better is after four DAYS of labor, that’s the exact thought I had when the midwife put him on my chest. “I did this work for that? Oh dear. Good thing love is blind.”
But don’t worry, Internet. Despite being saddled with a horrific mother, my kid turned out pretty darn well.
Today is his fifth birthday. Five. FIVE. Holy shit, how did that happen?
To celebrate him, let me share some gems that he’s said recently.
Sure you’re older, but only if you mean by age.
When I asked you for a cookie and you gave me fruit instead because you said we had no cookies, that made me sad for you that you think they’re the same thing.
You can’t do that! That’s cheating! Cheating is anything where I lose and anyone else wins. I’m the winner and you’re all losers.
I love this video, especially the part where the little girl dies, because I hate girls.
Happy birthday, Sachi. I love you bunches, even if you used to be really ugly and now you’re kind of a pain in the ass. OK, I might love you *because* you’re kind of a pain in the ass. Apparently love is blind AND dumb. Smooches.