1. I failed to do the Friday Five on Friday because I’m kind of, sort of disorganized, and Friday always sneaks up on me. It’s tricky. Nevertheless, it’s never too late to have almost absolutely nothing to say and thus to compile a random list of things on the Internet. I think I just defined every single blog ever. (Not yours, of course.)
2 . Sometimes I run out of either funny or deep things to say, and then it’s like a train wreck and the Internet is silent while I talk. Like this:
For the record, I don’t think the secret to happiness is money. It’s sex.
3. I am reading the Outlander series, which, if you haven’t read it, is about a time-traveling woman from the 1940s who meets a handsome Scot in 1743 and they speak in Scottish a lot. No, I don’t mean Gaelic. I mean Scottish. As in, “I ken a verra bonnie lass oer inna heather witha dunbonnet thas in love witha Sassenach.” That means: I’d like some tea, please. I think. I don’t quite know what it’s about, since it’s all in Scottish, but it’s good. I think? Maybe? You should read it, especially if you have a thing for gingers. And if you don’t, you probably will because of the handsome Scot named Jamie.
Oh, and apparently there is a ginger backlash? Because these were some auto-fill results on Google.
Internet, you are weird, and moderately offensive. That’s probably why we get along so well.
4. Chicken book club is this Wednesday! I just remembered that. We read What Alice Forgot, which is about what Alice forgot. Duh. We’ll be on the twitter at 5pm PST discussing it. If you don’t want to read that, maybe you want to read my new fictiony blog with a touch of the Office Crush, but not quite, MotherFiver? Yeah? Yeah.
5. Lastly, I have two number fives. This is number five number one. What? I can do that. Number five number one is that I did a mayonnaise taste test, which I promised to do years and years ago. Or three months? It will be up tomorrow. It is much shorter than the white wine taste test, because mayonnaise is way grosser than white wine. I also failed to use my best mayonnaise joke, which was to use a banana as a palate cleanser. Because I am crude and my mom does not read this website. I hope. But I didn’t do it. So, oh well. There’s no way I’m eating mayonnaise again, so you’ll just have to picture it.
Number five number two is a very serious question. And that is: do you think Gregg looks like John Krasinski? And if so, does that mean I look like Emily Blunt? Yes, right?