5AM: Wake up. Start tweezing massive eyebrow so it will turn into two eyebrows. One day. Hopefully.
5:15AM: Arm aches. Stop tweezing and go back to bed.
6AM: Dog asks for food and walk. Throw him across the room, Hulk style.
6:01AM: That was just a dream, as have tiny little toothpick arms. Get up and feed and walk dog.
6:30AM: Get email about someone wanting to take my chickens to kill and eat. Do happy dance.
6:31AM: Eat vegan breakfast. Mope, but feel superior as part-time vegan.
6:33AM: Gregg points out that eggs are not vegan, and just because I am dairy-free right now does not mean I am vegan. Hit him with something blunt and heavy.
6:48AM: Continue tweezing eyebrows.
7:00AM: Stop tweezing eyebrows to feed children.
7:01AM: Children complain about temperature of milk. Give them away.
7:09AM: Listen to NPR to find out what is happening in the world.
7:11AM: Turns out nothing interesting is happening, and that NPR does not report on Brad and Angelina and why they’re not getting married. Turn off NPR.
7:12AM: Craft angry email to NPR about their lack of good news coverage. Also ask for Ari Shapiro’s phone number.
7:14AM: Am told Ari Shapiro is married. And gay. Sob.
7:15AM: Pull self together to finish tweezing eyebrows. Have decided on carving my initials into eyebrow hair for flair.
Ari Shapiro is married?
Brad and Angie aren’t going to tie the knot?
you can be a part-time vegan?
apparently I get my news from you.
You can totally be part-time vegan! My friend is flexitarian (whatever that means – I think it means she switches being being a vegan/vegetarian/carnivore whenever she feels like it).
And if you want to start a petition to NPR, I will sign it. I’m not saying every segment needs to be about celebrities… just one…. Or maybe two.
I’ve just canceled my flight to the Blathering because you’re too funny and I will see dull and uninteresting in comparison.
I was going to click over to Perez but you are so much more fun.
HA! I’ll take the children when you throw them away, temporarily?
my SIL is a “fruititarian.” apparently the only vegetables she can stand are technically fruit (i.e. tomatoes, avocadoes). currently her diet consists of grapes, boiled eggs and cheese.
i don’t get it, either.