5AM: Wake up. Start tweezing massive eyebrow so it will turn into two eyebrows. One day. Hopefully.
5:15AM: Arm aches. Stop tweezing and go back to bed.
6AM: Dog asks for food and walk. Throw him across the room, Hulk style.
6:01AM: That was just a dream, as have tiny little toothpick arms. Get up and feed and walk dog.
6:30AM: Get email about someone wanting to take my chickens to kill and eat. Do happy dance.
6:31AM: Eat vegan breakfast. Mope, but feel superior as part-time vegan.
6:33AM: Gregg points out that eggs are not vegan, and just because I am dairy-free right now does not mean I am vegan. Hit him with something blunt and heavy.
6:48AM: Continue tweezing eyebrows.
7:00AM: Stop tweezing eyebrows to feed children.
7:01AM: Children complain about temperature of milk. Give them away.
7:09AM: Listen to NPR to find out what is happening in the world.
7:11AM: Turns out nothing interesting is happening, and that NPR does not report on Brad and Angelina and why they’re not getting married. Turn off NPR.
7:12AM: Craft angry email to NPR about their lack of good news coverage. Also ask for Ari Shapiro’s phone number.
7:14AM: Am told Ari Shapiro is married. And gay. Sob.
7:15AM: Pull self together to finish tweezing eyebrows. Have decided on carving my initials into eyebrow hair for flair.