Argh, I really wanted to post something that was not this today, but I’m afraid my soul will not let me. Does your soul ever take control of your brain, overriding basic functions? Like Hal 9000-ing you into eating pints of ice cream even though your brain really doesn’t need it, or making you wear uncomfortable shoes right as your brain is shoving sensible flats your way? Yeah, that’s what this is. I wanted to do a post making fun of the election or cats or mayonnaise, and yet, here I am, about to life list on you.
Firstly, let me tell you that I love to use “life list” as a verb, and also to make fun of it to no end. This is not because I don’t take people’s goals seriously. It’s because it’s funny. There’s a line, and life lists are on the other side of it. That said, I keep thinking about what’s on mine, and y’all, I could put together a very long list of things that I truly want to do that you that looked something like this:
1. Own Frye boots.
2.Walk around telling people they are Frye boots.
3. Look at Frye boots adoringly.
4. Make that mayonnaise taste test video.
5. Without vomiting.
6. Write an anonymous hate letter to fashion designers who brought back peplum, telling them they’re what’s wrong with America.
7. Be on Mystery Science Theater 3000, even though that show is totally not on anymore, and I would only be a shadow.
8. Perform sock puppet theater to a live studio audience.
9. Write a tweet that gets retweeted thousands of times. Retire on my retweet earnings.
10. Make out with President Obama without Michelle or Gregg getting angry.
11. Understand why women think thong underwear is “comfortable.”
ETC.
These are all things I’d like to do. I could life list for a million years on things like this.
But if I’m being really honest and serious, two things I do not often do, there are only a very few things that I really really RILLY want to do with my life, and none of them include President Obama. Unless President Obama is reading this and is interested. In which case, ignore what I just said.
So, without further ado, here is what, beyond all else, I actually want to do more than breathe right now, but since breathing is a basic function and if I did these things my life would be over or at the very least I’d faint and have a wicked headache, I won’t use that phrase.
*Cough.*
*Stalling tactic.*
*Looks the other way.*
*Fidgets with paper clip.*
*Wonders why she has paper clip while typing.*
Um. So. For real this time, here is what I would like to do, and I am sharing it with you, because I have NO FEAR. Actually, it’s pretty clear I have a lot of fear and use humor as a defense mechanism to distract you from my faults. But anyway. Here you go.
1. Be a publisher author of books and stuff.
2. Be a New York Times bestselling author of books and stuff.
3. Write full-time once the boys are in school full-time.
4. Have the ability to support my family on earnings from my books.
5. Give a speech at a high school or college, telling everyone to stick it to The Man.
6. Run a half-marathon.
7. Tread water in the deep end of the pool for at least two minutes.
8. Bike around Amsterdam.
9. Eat at Chez Panisse.
10. Volunteer weekly for an organization (besides my children’s schools).
11. Have lots of wonderful friendships.
12. Stay married to Gregg forever.
That’s my whole list. I had a list of 100 things that my therapist made me write over ten years ago, and I looked at it, and I just don’t…care. I mean, there are some things that would be great to do, but are they things I want more than anything else? No. If I never attempted them, I wouldn’t even be sad. I sat down for a long time culling the items, and this is it.
I didn’t even put down having another kid, or watching my children graduate from college. I want those things, of course, but I also know that if they don’t happen, it will be alright. And you know, the above things don’t happen, I’ll be alright with those, too, but for now, those are what my pipe dreams revolve around. These are things I’m working on every day.
I don’t care if I don’t see all 50 states or don’t live in a house with a real upstairs I can stand up in without bumping my head or never go back to India. At least, right now I don’t care. This is all I care about right now, and I’m alright with my dreams pretty plain and ordinary. I would love to be at the end of my life knowing that even if I didn’t get everything I desired, I tried. I really, really tried, and I put it out there for everyone to know it, and I worked on the obstacles in my way, and I didn’t give up, and I wasn’t embarrassed.
So, those are my pipe dreams. Would you mind sharing a few of yours with me, so I don’t feel quite like I just did embarrassing karaoke in front of a crowd of sober strangers?
Basically my only things are
1. Be a published author
2. Be able to not work and just write about music
3. Raise my daughter to be strong, independent, and kind.
I PLAN on staying married to my wife forever. I hope that that works out, but for some reason putting it on a list like this feels weird.
Have you TRIED thong panties for more than a week? I still say they’re comfortable.
I admire your #6. I stopped aspiring after I ran a 5k and now I’m on the edge of hating to run.
I would like to skydive. I don’t know when, because I’m terrified right now, but I’d like to.
I would LOVE to learn how to stop snacking and maintain my weight like a normal person without outside assistance.
I would also like to vacation with my husband in Greece and Bora Bora. Someday we WILL.
I understand the funny of a life list. I think that’s why mine is so short. Not everything that I want to do is life-altering and I’m ok with not doing all of it. My life is full without doing EVERYTHING on the planet.
Yes, it takes a while to get used to them, but I did eventually come to find (most) thongs comfortable.
My favorite parts:
1. MST3K reference. WOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!
2. Me: “Gregg? Who’s Gregg, and why would HE mind? She’s not implying President Obama has a…boyfriend?” (I think I was a little distracted by the idea of making out with Barack Obama.)
3. “Unless President Obama is reading this and is interested. In which case, ignore what I just said.”
I, too, want to stay married forever (to T, that is).
First, thank you thank you THANK YOU for not saying “bucket list”. The only phrase I hate as much as “bucket list” is “babymoon”. (Sadly, these are two phrases my MIL works into conversation at least once every few months.)
Honestly, I think the only two things on my life list — the only things that would REALLY, REALLY upset me if at the end of my life I hadn’t done them, are this:
1) Be someone my children are proud to call “Mom”.
2) Die happy.
Is that weird? There are lots of things I’d LIKE to do, but if at the end of the day I die happy and knowing my children are glad I’m their mom, I think I can call my life a win.
OH MY GOSH that’s (mostly) my life list, too! Like, pretty darn spot on. Except I would have to add:
- Get to travel to one new country on my must-see list every year
- Live abroad for one year
- Maintain my ideal weight forever (*snort*)
Also, even though I think this goes without saying, I want to stay married to my husband forever. Even though his name is not Gregg (as it says on your list. duh.)
I have similar goals.
My letter to fashion designers would ask why oh why they think pants and skirts made in larger sizes need to have back pockets. Who needs a flap on an already biggish bum?
And to publish a book … a best selling book … and make enough money from writing to survive without another job.
Oh, and my final goal: to live long enough to see my grandchildren.
Chez Panisse is exactly what you think it will be. Pretentious, expensive, exquisite food, and just enough craziness to make you know you are in Alice Water’s Wonderland. My husband is a chef, so we tend to book our grown-up without kids vacations to places with excellent restaurants. Chez Panisse fills that spot quite nicely (but we had a better meal at Bouchon in Yountville).
- Be comfortable (even happy) with my body.
- Enjoy exercise enough to do it just because instead of a means to an end.
- Work because I want to.
- Be able to pick/up drop off Tot from school every day and have the opportunity to attend his field trips.
I want to eat at Chez Panisse too! Maybe we could go together. I’ll loan you my Frye boots
Not a life list, but I love that Frye boots are on your original list. They were on mine, too, and I put off buying them a long time. Then I got really sick and kinda almost died. When I was in the hospital, I vowed the first thing I’d do when I was up to it was buy the damn boots already, because life is too short. Last night, I proudly wore my “I-didn’t-die Fryes” (as they are now known) for the first time. It was awesome.
(You think after the “could’ve maybe died” thing I would have a long, deeply thoughtful, and introspective life list. Pfffffffft. My most pressing life goal at the moment is convincing my husband we need a rabbit. I think I’m the most shallow person in the world.)
1. Find love again.
2. Find peace with feeling unpeaceful sometimes.
3. Create a community of artists/writers where people can collaborate and create.
4. Get really good at being disciplined at getting enough sleep, drinking enough water and eating healthy.
5. Write for a living, and making a good living at it.
6. Keep trying out new things that scare me. This list is huge so luckily there’s lots of opportunity.
I don’t really believe any of those things that I really want are possible.
Maybe that’s the first thing I need to do — kick that belief to the curb. At least admitting what I really want in writing here is forcing me to acknowledge it. Then I’ll have to DO something about it!
I want to live somewhere with four real seasons again. I want to always make my money by talking to people. I want to want always to hold hands with Mike, my husband, even when we’ve been married for decades.
My list is… I dunno.
1. Finish grad school…?
2. Get a job and support myself 100%.
3. Rebuild my shattered (and maybe sort of nonexistent) confidence.
4. Accept myself.
That’s depressing, huh? I guess I am in a sort of bad place right now.
I like your list. Go for it! I cannot believe that of all my lists, I don’t have a big picture life list. Getting on that now.
I share 1 and 2 and 12. And 11, but that feels like reaching. (Not that #2 seems even remotely in the realm of possible, but it’s still on my dream list.)
In no particular order
Bike 50 miles (at one time)
Find and get a job I like and want to do or start a business I like and want to do
Find a cool neighborhood community to live in
Be with Wes forever.
Raise the boys to be kind. I don’t care if they aren’t smart or beautiful. I just want them to be kind to people, animals, the world.
Finish the darn dissertation so I can move on and do some things I really enjoy and that matter to me.
Spend an entire week doing nothing but reading things I want to read, that aren’t work related or dissertation related or picture books or chapter books or notes from teachers or emails.
Run a half marathon by the time I’m 50.
Become a social worker which I am working on now.
Raise happy and confident kids
I’m not sure what else?
I love your list.
I’d like to:
1. Feel healthy and feel good about my body. Which would hopefully mean I’d look okay, too.
2. Make enough money to not have to constantly worry about money – which means comfortably supporting my family of 5 since my husband doesn’t work.
3. Take the whole family to Disney World one day.
4. And yes, stay married to my husband FOREVER.
if you speak at your high school or where you got your undergraduate degree, will you let me know so I can try and sneak in?
one of my absolute dreams is to become so interesting that they’d ask me to give a TED talk.
i cannot imagine a world where thongs are comfortable. i find them creepy. in the worst way.
I’m staring to feel like I’m a deficient person for not having a life list. I honestly can’t come up with anything. (Here’s where I wrote about having everything on my list: http://www.jesabes.com/2012/03/fifteen.html). The problem is now that I have everything on that (short, simple) list, I have no idea what’s next. For now I’m blaming my lack of ambition on baby brain. Surely someday I’ll want to do SOMETHING, right??
So I have not heard of Frye boots–apparently I am missing something? I can’t seem to life list–I can barely week list. Tonight I am trying to evening list (but am being thwarted by the enticing blogosphere). So my evening list is to fulfill my volunteer commitment to plan a campfire for our local Girl Scouts.
I’ll put life listing on next week’s list
I am with you on Number 1. I’d love to summon the courage to go back to school and get a phD. I don’t know if I’m quite brave enough for that though. And YES to Frye boots – I have a pair and love them. Great now you have me searching for boots.
PS – Katie Couric has a ‘YOLO’ list (yes, she calls it that). Thank you for NOT calling it that
Ditto on #10 of the first list. Ditto on # 4 on the second list. Gee, how original !
Good luck with your goals, Shalani! You are on your way!!!
Always wondered about number 11 in your first list too!
I’ve got a whole list of these. I want to teach a student who will one day surpass me. I would like to see an Olympics in person one day (why, Chicago 2016, why???). I’d like to go to a big public place like Disney World dressed as Carmen Sandiego, on a date with a boy dressed as Waldo, and photobomb people’s pictures.
hm….i don’t know what is on my life list…..i can think of things i used to really want to do that now i think i’d be ok if they never happened. be happy. that’s my life list so far….