OK, so you’ve heard about Todd Akin and his claims that “legitimate rape” rarely leads to pregnancy, right? People are kind of in an uproar about it, but honestly, I think it’s a bit awesome, because now I can misuse the word “legitimate” like I misuse the word literally. LITERALLY!
We could found a WHOLE NEW POLITICAL PARTY–no, a WHOLE NEW RELIGION! Just based on the word legitimate! The spirit animal will be the Legitimate Unicorn.
Legitimate Asians are rarely smart.
Legitimate peanut butter rarely has calories.
Legitimate overspending rarely leads to debt.
Legitimate tacos are rarely delicious.
Legitimate Ikea furniture is rarely hard to put together.
Legitimate toddlers are rarely unreasonable.
Legitimate cats rarely get furballs.
Legitimate pigeons rarely poop on your car.
Legitimate Zooey Deschanels are rarely irritating.
Legitimate women rarely vote for Todd Akin.
Oh wait, that last one doesn’t fit, but you get the idea. Who’s with me?