Last week, something strange happened. I found that gmail was subtly insulting my ego.
Oh, really, g-chat? I’m invisible? Why would you say that? I have a very large Internet following. There are at least TWELVE people reading my blog right now. AND I am writing a book that almost five people are guaranteed to buy. Take THAT. I am NOT invisible. Ha HA. Who has the last laugh NOW?
G-chat, stop. I have a social life. I have lots of friends. I am busy busy busy.
Well, alright, I don’t have lots of friends, but I know some people. I’ve been out a few times this year. I’m not a charity case. You don’t need to feel sorry for me or anything. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to go and put a personal ad out for friends. I’m not a wallflower or anything. I’m a grown adult.
It’s not like that time in high school where I didn’t get invited to the cool party or anything. I mean, sure, I was never invited to any party ever, but that was totally different than now. I was almost invited to this cool party at BlogHer, except that I didn’t know about it until the day after when people said I needed a special invite, kind of like how people talked about the parties in high school. But really, these are totally different cases. I could make friends any time I wanted. Really. I’m quite charismatic in person.
Stop it. Just stop it.
We? Who is this “we” you’re talking about?
You’re joking. You’ve got to be. I’m not lonely or a cougar. OK, maybe a little bit of both. But not really. I don’t need their pity.
And that’s the true fact of why I’m behind on my email.