I have some exciting news. I’ve been keeping a secret from all of you, one of those big blogger secrets where you know I’ve been doing something fantabulous behind your backs. The news is…wait for it…wait for it some more…OK, that’s enough waiting. The news is that I’ve been involved with the 50 Shades of Grey movie.
I know. Pretty amazing, right?
It gets better. I’ve been authorized to show you stills from the movie and explain what’s happening in each scene. So, here goes nothing.
An innocent chicken goes to interview a mogul and feathers fly.
“Oh, Ginger Chicken, you’re so sexy,” Ana can’t help moaning. Her subconscious clucks at her in over her half-moon spectacles. But there’s something deep and dark about Christian.
“Your feathers are missing, Christian. Tell me why.”
“I don’t like to speak about my past, Ana,” he says gruffly, nuzzling her gizzard with his wattle.
“I just know those aren’t chicken pox, Christian. I KNOW! Let me bring you into the light.”
“Do it for me, Christian.”
“Ana, I had a rough childhood. I was…I’m 50 shades of yolked up, Ana.”
“Christian, you aren’t yolked up. Your birth hen loved you, and you loved her.”
“She was a cracked whore, Ana. A CRACKED EGG WHORE. No, she didn’t Love me.”
“I think you just came from a speckled egg, Christian.”
“Ana, we are done talking about this! Eat your mealworms! I hate to see wasted dead and dessicated invertebrates!”
Ana gasps and lowers her comb warily. “I guess I should leave then. I can’t give you what you need, and you can’t give me what I want.”
Did that whet your appetite for the movie? I KNOW.