The Sacrifices I Make For The Internet

So the other day on twitter I said this:



which elicited a bunch of replies, most of which were of the opinion that I was crazypants. I am not crazypants. My rebuttal:

Apparently this makes you all think I know what pee tastes like instead of thinking I am speaking in hyperbole. You’re all a bunch of gutterheads, you know that? Yes, you did.

This got me to thinking, though, that I need to do a white wine taste test, and I will document it on video, much like Leonard’s YouTube reviews. It’s going to be genius! It’s going to be awesome! It’s going to be…yes, I’m going to get drunk. FOR THE LOVE OF THE INTERNET.

What I need from you: which white wines should I buy for this experiment? Parameters: I need to be able to buy these easily, and they shouldn’t cost more than $15 per bottle. Because I’m cheap. It needs to taste amazing, maybe like red wine? Yeah. That. I’ll buy somewhere between 5 and 10 bottles from whatever you suggest.

Remember, this is for the good of womankind, so please suggest something.


  1. says

    Try Riesling. I hate white wine, but I can polish off a bottle – I mean, glass – of a good Riesling no problem.

  2. says

    I like Moscato (Barefoot wines makes a decent one) and Pinot Gris or Grigio. Both of those you can usually get for under $10. Can’t wait to see this! :)

  3. AbsP says

    I had a Yalumba unwooded chardonnay the other day that was wonderful. Citrusy and dry.

  4. says

    I really enjoy the Lambrusco in the fizzy wine section of Trader Joe’s. Make sure it’s really cold, and you know going in that it’s going to be sweet.

    • says

      I agree. I love Trader Joe’s Lambrusco- the red is my favorite, but I’ve been known to down a bottle of the white. Chilled is best. It makes for great peach sangria, too.

  5. says

    P.S. My stepfather once drained a bunch of white wine from a BOX into a bunch of my mother’s very expensive wine bottles, as another sort of white wine experiment. She raved about how great it was. I am pretty sure she’s still at him about that one. We’re not allowed to bring it up.

  6. says

    I am waiting with bated breath! Try Kila Cava. It’s an inexpensive sparkling white wine that feels…sparkly…on the tongue. I’m pretty sure that’s the one I got recently, but it’s hard to hear over music in a bar.

  7. says

    I am a MOSTLY a red drinker but there are some whites I like a lot. The ones that taste like pee are the over-oaked, high alcohol Chardonnays and they are very popular and easy to find. So.

    Try a Gewurtztraminer from Hogue Cellars. It’s a Washington winery and I actally like several of their varietals (reds too!). They’re all pretty cheap.

    Unfortunately, I find that for a good white I usually have to spend somewhere around $20-$30/bottle. I’m picky. If you revise and buy fewer bottles for a higher price point, I have several ideas in that range.

    I cannot wait to watch this awesome video.

  8. says

    Great idea – although I am no help because I don’t like it either – but if you end up liking one I will try it too!

  9. says

    I’m not a huge fan of sweet wines, but if you like sweeter wines then try an unoaked Chardonnay… OR if you like dry wines, try a pinot grigio like Tenuta Luisa. But my favorite whites are actually sparkling wines from Spain – Freixenet is my favorite. I like to be all classy and drink it straight from the bottle with a straw… just kidding! (sort of)

  10. says

    I only like white wine if it’s (a) very, very cold and also (b) NOT oaky. So most Chardonnay is out. Most of the whites I like are Canadian (shocking, no?) but if you like crisp, fruity wines then some of the whites from NZ are yummy. Not sure of pricing in WA, though. Also, we tried a great Pinot Grigio when we were in Oregon 3 years ago. I suck because I cannot remember the name but it had a daschund on the label? Anyway – worth a shot!

  11. mutantreptile says

    I like the Columbia Winery Riesling which is about $7. I read the Ch√Ęteau Ste. Michelle or whatever Riesling is the best-selling Riesling in the country, but I hated it. I really like a Pinot Grigio called Don Pedro de Sotomaior, but I haven’t seen it in Washington. Los Andes Chardonnay was like $2 in PR, and I saw it at Grocery Outlet once. I don’t like Sauvignon Blanc unless it’s free at a wedding.

  12. says

    I’m a fan of chardonnay, but I’m also really really picky about chardonnays that I like. Generally, I’ve found NZ Marlborough region chardonnays are usually pretty good. My favorite is probably Oyster Bay – it retails for $20 here. I have a coworker who raves about Amiri, a Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc that costs about $6, so price isn’t always indicative of quality (although in my experience, it often is).

  13. says

    I like sweet whites, like moscato and rieslings. I think the sweet whites tend to taste less pee-like, I think. I agree with everyone else who said the oak-y chardonnays are the pee wines. The first “real” wine I tried was a chardonnay and it was so gross it sent me back to Arbor Mist for, like, a year. True story.

  14. says

    I like the Chateau St. Michelle Riesling that mutantreptile mentioned. I like most Pinot Gris/Grigio varieties, too (especially Oregon ones!), if you don’t like super sweet. I haven’t found many Chardonnays I like at all.

  15. says

    Moscato. Cupcake brand moscato. Or Barefoot. Or Yellow Tail. Just moscato. Ooh, and green truck chardonnay. Delicious!

  16. says

    “It needs to taste amazing, maybe like red wine?” Not possible, as red wine is crap. Not that I have an opinion.

    I also don’t like white, so clearly I shouldn’t give wine advice, but the ONE I have ever loved is Cupcake Angel Food. That’s not to say there wouldn’t be expensive ones I like, but my research has also been with under $15 bottles. I truly liked it, which is a first for me with wine.

    • says

      Hmm. I looked it up and Angel Food is a Chardonnay aged in oak, so what do I know? (For one thing, I didn’t know it was a Chardonnay, so.) Perhaps this is the exception to the rule, though.

  17. ted says

    Now this is a project I can really get behind. I suggest two things: (a) As in your 5k, try to get people to join along with you at home simultaneously, and (b) do it while running a 5k. These will both enhance your experience. Most of the wine people suggested here sound truly awful, and would turn any sensible drinking person off of white wine for life. There are tons of perfectly nice chardonnays just up the Burke-Gilman. You can bike there! But then again, maybe I just like pee-flavored wine.

  18. says

    I need to get on twitter… I can’t believe I missed all of this. I don’t really like white wine either so I have no recommendations for you. But I’m looking forward to the video!

  19. says

    I would go with sauvignon blanc or pino grigio. There are some nice, inexpensive brands out there at regular grocery stores, like Cupcake…cheap and good. I also love Sterling (NOT Sterling Vinters Collection…gross) which is also not too pricey. Just go to a nice wine shop, tell them you are looking for cheap but good white wines, tell them what you like, and I bet you go home with a few really nice bottles. Good luck! White wine is yum in the summer time.

  20. says

    Ha! The wine I just recommended to you is the one Becky above said was gross. Whatever, Becky! My friends and I liked it!

  21. says

    Could you also try the bagged wine they sell at Fred Meyer? If you want we can do a red/white comparison. It’s for RESEARCH purposes.

  22. Phancymama says

    White is best very very cold and when it is steaming hot out. I only really like it since moving to las Vegas, sooooo…. Probably not exceptionally helpful to you. Still, I can’t wait to hear how it turns out. :)

  23. says

    Both Barefoot and Yellowtail make decent cheap wines. Definitely Pinot Grigio (VERY COLD) and Moscato. Riesling and Chardonnay are the farthest over on the pee spectrum, in my opinion. Riesling is also SICKENINGLY sweet. You might nit be counting sparkling white, but Asti Spumante is like heaven. HEAVEN in a glass.

  24. says

    I hate all red wine. HATE IT! Plus it gives me a wicked headache. i enjoy a good chardonnay or riesling, but most of my favorites are localish (from the Finger Lakes region of NY). One of our favorite restaurants keeps the Yellow Tail riesling as their house wine, and it’s really good. I like my wine dry and crisp and fruity, never too sweet. I hate sweet wine.

    Can’t wait to hear what you come up with!

  25. Andrea says

    I second the Gewurztraminer (I haven’t had a bad one), but it is very sweet. If you don’t like super sweet then for on unoaked chardonnay suggestion, try Mer Soleil Silver. Chenin blancs are another white I have enjoyed.

    Good luck!

  26. Kara says

    Ecco Domani Pinot Grigio is my go to mass market wine, and it’s $9-$12 a bottle. Pinot Grigio does not stand up well to strong flavored foods.

    Coppola makes a nice Rosso- it’s a red table wine that’s easy to drink. They also do a Bianco which is the white table wine.

  27. says

    Someone else from the Finger Lakes region of NY. We produce some amazing rieslings. In fact, that is my go-to wine. I’ve barely met one I don’t like. That said, I’m NOT a fan of yellow tail. There are some excellent German rieslings (obvs, since that’s where the grapes originated from) out there. And I’m all about the cheap wines. I’m not sure what you can get out your way but you might try RELAX or Sun Garden. Both are pretty sweet though. Not pee-like at all.

  28. says

    damn, hope i’m not too late. try barefoot moscato! yum. and a taste taste with any sort of alcohol makes for a great party theme – I usually do an “octobeerfest” and do blind taste test for different beers – everyone at the party gets dixie cup sized samples, prizes for the people who guess the most correct – which is always a good time!