So I’ve been on the East Coast for a while now, and I can unequivocally say in my deep, scientific studies, that the East Coast Man is an entirely different species from the Northwest Man.
Observe the East Coast Man:
And the Northwest Man:
I don’t know which one I prefer. It certainly has been nice and weird to see all these attractive men in suits, even though there’s no one getting married and/or dying. But eh, who can resist a virgin with a ponytail, right?