Hey, look! A style post! Kind of. Err, I know I said I would post outfit pictures, but I have a very good reason for not posting them: laziness. See? Good reason! Can you argue with that? No, no you cannot. Do not even try to fight the laziness. It’s not worth it. You’ll yawn and just pick up Graceling instead. Oh, wait, that’s me.
Onward and upward! I need your help.
I need a bathing suit. I am going to the ocean in about a month, and I have one bathing suit, but it would be nice to have a second in case I need to do something silly, like wash the first one, not that I wash things very often. (See also: laziness.)
Here are my bathing suit requirements: A) it has to be a one-piece.
I am not a bikini girl. I wore one once, and I felt naked. Because a bikini shows your naked bits. Did you know that? IT’S TRUE! Naked bits=tummy. Plus, I am not very chestally blessed, but I am very, very blessed in the tummy area. How lucky for me! I have a LOT of those naked bits to show, and they need covering. (Thanks, kids. Did you know I once used to be thin? YOU’RE WELCOME FOR YOUR LIFE.) (I might have some PMS today.)
B) It cannot be a halter tie. I have two little boys who paw me, and there is much bending and climbing and I need something more than a STRING to keep things up. Even though I am not chestally blessed, I would not like to flash all of the New Jersey coast. But I hear they’re used to that kind of thing.
Here are some options. Please tell me which ones are ridiculous and which ones are ridiculously awesome.
*Please note that if you do not know what I look like, I do not resemble this jerk of a J. Crew model who is like twelve and even less chestally blessed than me. Sorry, girl. One day you’ll be a woman, and then you can eat nachos in bed. Truth. I look like a girl who eats nachos in bed.
Then there’s this suit from Boden that I can’t grab the image from either because I’m dumb or they are. Either way, does it scream, “I’m a mom and I KNOW it!” or is it alright?
I ridiculously love this one. But would my children feel the need to poke their fingers through that little keyhole?
Does the one shoulder thing scream seventies disco dance party? Does it matter? (Also from Old Navy.)
OK, you tell me. Now! Seriously!